


Don't know how this happened, taking advantage of it anyway

by Silverstar706



Category: Marvel (Movies)
Genre: Loki doesn't want help, Odin's A+ Parenting, So I'll annoy him till he does
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-13 10:45:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1223422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverstar706/pseuds/Silverstar706
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Odin declares death as Loki's punishment Thor is appalled and 'frees' his misguided brother and takes him to hide in Midgard. Thor asks for Steve's help knowing that the super soldier would sympathize with him and Steve knows of a place where they won't be found.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> The other night I had a very interesting dream about Thor, Loki and Steve and it kind of inspired me to write this fan fiction. This story is in first person format with me as the teller because well, I dreamt it, my story.
> 
> The setting is a large log house out in the middle of a massive forest.

                ‘Oh fantastic I forgot to do the laundry’ I told myself as I threw on the last pair of pants in my closet which had a gigantic rip in the knee and needed to be thrown out soon. At that moment the doorbell rang and I grabbed my glass of iced tea as made my way towards the door. I nearly dropped said glass when I saw who was standing at the door.

                “Hey Steve, um… I don’t remember telling you where I live.”

                “Yea I had Natasha look it up, I kind of need to ask you a favor.”

                “What are we talking about here?” I asked in a way that probably sounded a little threatening, I was not a fan of surprises.

                “Thor and I need somewhere off the grid to hide our little friend.”

                I looked around the edge of the door frame to see Thor and his brother Loki who was wearing a pain green tunic along with a muzzle and handcuffs and also happened to look like a disheveled mess.

                “I’m gonna need more caffeine for this.”

                “Probably a good idea.”

                “Okay come on in, but if anything gets broken you shall meet _my_ little friend” I warned a I walked into the dining area and patted the three foot machete that happened to be lying on the table.

                Thor scoffed “It is not customary for one to leave a weapon lying on a table”

                “It’s my house and I will leave my machete wherever I want.”

                “So be it.”

                “Why are you so perky this early in the morning?”

                “I do believe it is the evening” Thor corrected.

                “I’m not a morning person or an evening person; I basically don’t even start functioning until five o clock in the afternoon if I haven’t had my caffeine, I guess I should rephrase my question why are you so perky under these circumstances?”

                Loki disregarded everything and sat down on a couch in the other room with a huff where we could still see him.

                “Were it not for Steve’s help my brother would be executed at my father’s command.”

                My groggy mind was still functional enough to put two and two together “And since the woods that I live in are protected from Heimdal’s almost all seeing eyes by spriggan magic this would be the perfect place to hide.”

                “Indeed" Thor thought for a minute "I would advise that you hide your weapon from my brother for safety.”

                “If he really wanted to kill us I think he could do it with his bare hands.”

                Loki had been glaring at me the entire time but he was so focused that he didn’t see my cat, Misha, climb up the back of the couch and he was a little startled when she rubbed against the back of his head.

                “Anyway does anyone want breakfast?” I said to try and break the tension.

                “Lunch” Steve corrected.

                “Same difference.”

                “Yes”

                “Do you have any pop tarts?” Thor asked politely

                “I do. Just out of curiosity how long has Loki had that muzzle on?” By now Misha was purring in Loki’s lap.

                “Since we left for Asgard.”

                “That was five weeks ago” I said as I glared at him.

                “Well…”

                “Well nothing, take it off” I said angrily.

                “That is highly ill advised.”

                “Behold the field in which I grow my fucks to give, notice that it is barren” I was pretty proud of that one.

                I strode over to where Loki was sitting with Steve warily following me and looked at the muzzle; it was a three code combination lock. I experimentally tapped in 1 2 3 and it unlocked (genius), I was careful as the mouthpiece pulled out from between his tender lips. Loki seemed inwardly happy as he moved his jaw around for the first time in weeks. (Of course I stared at him for a moment because damn, he’s hot)

                “How did you guess the combination?” Steve asked.

                “I’m psychic” I said sarcastically with a smile. In actuality I assumed that Tony was the one to set it up and of course that snarky bastard would make it the easiest combination possible just to piss Loki off later.

                "So, how does lasagna sound, I have a couple in the freezer."

                "That sounds fantastic" Steve replied enthusiastically.

                .               .               .

                Even though Loki was probably really hungry and thirsty by now he still managed to eat in a very composed manner. On the other hand Thor was getting pop tart crumbs all over the place and it was starting to tick me off.

                “Thor if you get any more crumbs on the floor you will be licking them up.”

                He had his mouth completely stuffed so his reply was muffled and incomprehensible.

                “Your manners are equivalent to that of a starving baboon.”

                Loki actually laughed for a moment before he checked himself although I could tell he was still mentally chuckling by his grin.

                For the rest of the afternoon we watched Lord of the Rings in my mini theater, and then we had dinner.

                By the time everyone was about ready for bed Thor stopped me in the hallway in front of one of the guest bedrooms.

                “Is there anything sturdy that I could chain Loki to so he can’t get away while we sleep?”

                “There is a bed with a metal frame in the room next to mine.”

                “That should do just fine.”

                Thor had brought in some enchanted chains from the car they came in. He chained Loki’s wrists to either side of the bed and wrapped a chain around his waist which was then connected to itself beneath the bed. Loki was obviously in no way comfortable.

                When I woke up to him rattling the chains a few hours later it took me a minute to remember what had happened the day before.

                As walked into his room I saw that Misha was lying on Loki’s chest and that he was looking back at her like he had been personally offended.

                “This creature of yours will not leave me alone and refuses to move.”

                I sat down on the bed and picked the fluffy little ball of love to place her on my own lap.

                “She just likes you.”

                “Why would anyone like me?”

                “Obviously not because you’re quiet, you woke me up.”

                “I was trying to get her off, but that oaf of a br… Thor, has made it impossible.”

                “Yea, I think he’s overly paranoid.”

                “You think I can’t escape, you fatally underestimate me mortal.”

                “I already told the spriggans to stop you if you try to escape” Loki’s eyes widened in genuine fear, it was funny how I was actually lying just to sound more formidable, he must have been really out of it to not have realized it.

                “I’m friends with them, how else do you think I could live here in peace.” Which was complete bullshit by the way but my sleep deprived brain thought it was funny.

                I got no response so I pushed Misha of my lap and started undoing the chain around his waist.

                “Why are you doing that?”

                “My house my rules” I replied as I released one of his arms from its bindings “And now you owe me.”

                “Owe you what?” he seethed.

                “Oh, just entertainment.”

                “I will do no such thing.”

                “It’s not optional.”

                I grabbed Misha and went back to my bedroom before he could reply.


	2. Settling in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some shopping

Once again, I was woken up, this time however it was from Thor’s snoring. Misha had apparently decided to sleep with me for the rest of the night, I couldn’t see her but I could feel her practically wrapped around my head. I stayed where I was for a little bit to try and go back to sleep but it soon became apparent that it wasn’t going to happen so I begrudgingly got out of bed. As I walked past Loki’s room in my leopard print pajamas I peeked in and noticed that he had somewhat pulled his tunic off with his free hand and was definitely not asleep.

  
“Good morning” I said and punctuated it with a yawn “Ready to get up?”

  
A smile played across his face and I assumed that he had figured out my lie in the middle of the night.

  
“So you can have your entertainment?” His voice was so sinister that even I was able to pick up on it.

  
“Yea, we can play a video game; with how smart you are, unlike Thor, you might be able to figure it out within the next century.”

  
I walked in and realized just how malnourished he was; in fact, he was an absolute mess. I could count every one of his ribs, he smelled like he hadn’t showered in forever, his hair looked like something died in it and he seemed painfully tired.

  
“But first I think you need a shower; I will show you how to use it if you want.”

  
“I am aware of how to use a shower” his words had lost their sting and I guessed that it was because he was grateful for the chance to be clean.

  
“Okay, I think that there is a pair of sweatpants that I don’t use and…” I took a second look at him and realized that even with how skinny I was my shirts might actually be too big “I’ll just get one of my plain black shirts. After that I’ll run your clothes through with the laundry that I need to do this morning.”

  
. . .

  
“How much time do I have?” Loki asked from the other side of the door as he handed me the decidedly filthy clothes that he had been wearing.

  
The question caught me a little off guard “you can stay in there as long as you please, if you want to fill the bath and stay in there for the next two hours then so be it. Oh and you should brush your hair while there is shampoo in it, that will make it so much easier.”

  
Loki closed the door without another word and I heard the faucet start. I walked down to the kitchen and turned a few lights on before looking at the clock.

  
“Six o clock, dammit, the sun hasn’t even risen yet. It’s too early for this crap.”

  
A booming voice came from upstairs “Where is Loki?!”

  
“He is taking a shower because he smells like trash!” I yelled back.

  
“Are you certain that he will not be able to leave?”

  
“He probably could if he tried but he wouldn’t survive in the forest overnight, which reminds me,” I told Thor and Steve as they were walking down the stairs, “nobody is allowed outside after dark.”

  
“I will keep that in mind. What is for breakfast?” Thor asked.

  
“Make your own breakfast, you can have anything you find. I need to do laundry and go to the store for food and supplies so write a list of anything you want me to get,” I replied tiredly.

  
“I promise I will make this up to you,” Steve said in his usual American hero voice.

  
“You can start by swapping the laundry for me when it dings and running the next load.”

  
. . .

  
I was wandering the isles of the grocery store after going a little shopper happy at a few craft stores when I saw Natasha going around ‘incognito’.

  
“You know Nat when I go incognito I just dress up in cosplay.”

  
Natasha turned and shot back, “It would seem to me that you would draw more attention.”

  
I casually leaned over my cart, “Well yes but if you choose the right character then nobody will recognize you, only the character and they won’t expect it either.”

  
“Actually that’s not a bad idea.”

  
I suddenly burst out laughing

  
“What’s so funny?”

  
“I just imagined you as Gandalf and it was hilarious.”

  
Natasha just rolled her eyes at me.

  
“And in other news,” I announced, “thanks for telling Steve where I live and by thanks I mean screw you, I am currently drowning in testosterone.”

  
“You said we could use it as a safe house.”

  
“Yea but Thor is a complete slob, sure he’s hot but he is also a little self-centered.”

  
“Why do you say that after everything he has done to help Loki?”

  
“I think you have already noticed it yourself and are testing my reasoning Ms. I know body language like the back of my hand. He isn’t doing because he wants Loki to be happier if that were the case he would have removed that muzzle the second he got the chance, he is doing it for himself because he wants the Loki he grew up with back but that won’t happen. It’s too late, too much damage has been done.”

  
“You may think you are bad with people but you are getting much better, I am impressed.”

  
“Thanks, I guess.”

  
I heard a quiet ping from my pocket and immediately checked it.

  
“Looks like my friend wants to play prop hunt which is perfect because I wanted to play a video game today.”

  
“Which friend?”

  
“The one that I call kitty.”

  
“Ever going to tell me his real name?”

  
“Nope, I don’t even want him anywhere near SHEILD’s radar and that includes you.” I heard another ping, “now he is mewing at me.”

  
“I see why you call him kitty.”

  
“Well there are other reasons but yea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go Kitty, you get to be a small part of my story now.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow would you look at that, I meant for this to be a short story but it kinda escalated and I don't think that's possible now. And where did the spriggans come from, thank you ADHD. So far this has nothing to do with my dream except the setting.  
> 


End file.
